Introduction

The Welfare Officers are there to support and help Reading LGBT's members. Although they are not able to give advice, they can listen and help you find the support you need.

Your Welfare Officers are:

Francesca	Female Welfare
Mike	Male Welfare

Coming Out

There is no single, textbook way of letting your friends and family know you are LGBT. Families and backgrounds differ and what is right for one person may be totally wrong for another. Very few parents will ever consider that their son or daughter might be gay or trans, even those who have had their suspicions, may be angry or shocked. Remember, you have had your whole life to consider your sexuality/gender and come to terms with it, your parents and friends will have had no time at all. Your parents may find it difficult to accept that there is a part of your life they never knew about, whilst your friends may find it difficult to accept that you're not the person they thought you were. Time will hopefully prove that nothing about you has essentially changed. It is important to give your friends and family time to digest the information and to reassure them that nothing about you has changed... you're just the same as you've always been and by telling them even more so.

Of course you should come out when you feel ready and comfortable. However, if you are unsure of how the people around you will react then choose a time when your family and friends are as relaxed as possible...if you or you family are under some stress then the coming out process can become much harder. You may find it useful to test the water by discussing a gay celebrity or friend and judge their reaction to this.

Many parents feel uncomfortable discussing sex with their children. Therefore, the idea that their child has not only considered sex but has discovered their own sexuality can be hard to digest. If you have a partner whilst coming out then reassure your parents that you are safe and loved.

In the immediate reaction there are certain things that nearly all parents say. These include "How can you be sure at your age?", "I went through a phase like this, you'll grow out of it","You haven't tried hard enough with the opposite sex", and, ominously, "What about this terrible AIDS?" These are difficult things to answer if you feel at all unsure of yourself. So it is best to be prepared for this kind of reaction and to be sure of yourself….if you feel that you're not completely sure of your sexuality or gender then it may be best to talk to somebody who is not so closely related, a welfare officer or a trusted friend may be a better person to talk to than a parent. If you're not too sure then it might not be the best thing to come out when any questions that are asked you may not be able to answer. Obviously though, it depends on your family situation. If you do come across these questions then consider mirroring the same the questions to them. For example: 'when did you first realise that you were straight?' etc.

For some LGBT people, coming out can be hard and there are a number of organisations that can help provide support for your parents and friends if they react badly to you. On the whole though it can just take time to digest.

Further Information

Site © Reading LGBT, 2006-7 • Prefer the discreet view? Click here.